Those who love you are not fooled
2023 in Review
Each year as I do my planning, I take a minute to recap the previous year. Foremost on my mind is understanding whether the actions that I took produced the results that I want. I ask myself “Are you living on purpose?”
Le't’s see what the numbers say:
This past year, I had 1,120 meetings hit my calendar and I kept 99.7% of them.
That feels right, I want to be a man who honors the commitments I make on my time.
In reviewing the specific meetings, though, I’m flabbergasted with how many of them bore no fruit whatsoever — one and done conversations that went nowhere because of a lack of fit, or lack of action from someone, me or them. I want to be someone who is always available for others, but I think more than 2/3 of my meetings weren’t important enough to have had in the first place. I will have to think and work on this, this year.
I spent a ton of time in hospitals this year.
My grandfather was in the hospital following a stroke for a week and I was there every day. I was then with him at home in hospice for almost 3 weeks.
My mother had 2 cardiac ablations requiring hospital visits, had another 2 week-long hospital stays, and her final stay of 3 weeks, and I was there for almost all of it.
I want to be the kind of man who honors his parents, and don’t regret any of this time, but am surprised in reviewing it, just how much time I was out of pocket in a holding-pattern. The entire process reinforced for me just how important it is to have an advocate when you are ill. Doctors and nurses aren’t your advocates, they aren’t supposed to be. Your family should be, and can only be effective after really hard conversations.
I cut my overnight travel by 60% this year, only spending about 113 nights away from home, down from 172 the previous year. While the world returned to work in the office last year, I swung the opposite way and worked from home 98% of the year, only venturing into the office for trainings, administrative tasks and in-person meetings.
I did this largely because I wanted to be more present at home as my kids entered and experienced their middle years because I remember how hard that can be. With the new baby, I wanted to be present as much as possible with her, too.
I flew 180 hours this year, not nearly enough to justify the cost of the plane and the privilege of owning it. I flew from Key West to the San Francisco and home again, flying over the Grand Canyon, the Golden Gate Bridge, El Capitan, and Las Vegas for the first time. The hours were reduced because of family requirements, and being too busy to enjoy the plane. I also began my IFR training and saw my first UFO.
I started the year weighing 212 pounds and finished it at 182, 30 pounds on the nose. I hired a health coach, engaged a nutrionist, did deep level genetic blood testing and signed up for an Executive Physical at Mayo. All year I battled inflamed joints in my right leg, hip, knee and ankle, brought on by long bouts of driving or sitting. I don’t like taking drugs for symptoms, so am trying to address root causes as much as possible.
I realized this year that my family needs me here and functional to make the lives we have chosen work. Paying attention to my health has always seemed an indulgence, and an annoyance. Last year I started to change my thinking on that, this year I hope to have some real successes here.
In business, I formed 1 legal partnership, canceled another, took control of 1 portfolio company, signed advisory agreements with 5 others. I made about 25 new investments, down significantly from previous years as I watched valuation hell settle into the industry. I signed a new distributor, and opened the three largest client accounts at my firm. I worked on only 1 election last year, the Mayor of Valdosta’s election, which we won handily without a runoff.
I flipped 2 houses, rehabbed a condo for rental, and sold 1 commercial building.
I guested on 14 podcasts, I was featured in 2 online symposia. I signed a contract to produce the video course for A CEO Only Does Three Things to debut in Q2 2024.
I had 4 public speaking engagements of note, including MIT, and a Family Office conference, both of which have invited me back. I attended the Inauguration of 1 Governor, a ribbon cutting at a friend’s new warehouse, hire 4 new sales agents, and 2 Family Office employees. I attended Venture Atlanta and Blu Cyber venture capital conferences.
In travel, I took Ret on his first college trip (Auburn). Ret and I went on Safari in Kenya, Sheya and I went to Hawaii and Vegas for our Anniversary, we visited Colonial Virginia for summer vacation with my in-laws, and the family took a Fall trip to Sarasota with family friends.
Mary-Salter took her first steps at 7 months of age and made her first spontaneous reference sentence at 14 months, Ret went to Camp Rockmont for the last time, and Emmaline went to Camp Hollymont for the first of many summers. We had Mary-Salter dedicated in our Church, and Emmaline made her public profession of faith and was baptized.
I coached 3 executives throughout the year to greater success and awareness of the work they should be doing. It was a thrill to be a part of their story. I also began hosting a bi-weekly mentorship call for a small group of younger folks making their way in the world.
I read 103 books, listened to about 200 podcasts, wrote a kinda weekly newsletter, taught 3 classes, and attended 3 masterminds. I completed 2 Masterclasses,
I’m a busy person and I respect the time of busy people. I’m an intentional person and I respect when others live their lives that way, too. This exercise brings me back to lots of lessons and the way I spent the year feels to me like a B+/A-.
“Ultimately I take actions to complete projects in order to fulfill responsibilities that I have so that I can move myself forward to accomplish things that I do to make my vision come about, which will fulfill my purpose for being.”
—David Allen
Did I get it all done? No, there were things that I missed that I would have like to have experienced.
I had an invite to go to Necker Island with Sir Richard Branson but wasn’t able to take the opportunity because of other priorities. It has always been important to me to spend the children’s birthdays with them and make sure that they have an incredible and memorable time. My kids’ friends wait all year for their birthday celebrations because we go full extra on them. My Necker Island trip would have conflicted with Emmaline’s birthday so Branson will have to see me another time.
I have some close friends with whom we like to travel, a rarity for me. It was my turn last year to schedule our trip to exotic locales and I never could pull together the calendars of 3 very busy couples. They are some of the only folks that I enjoy going to nice places and doing absolutely nothing with, and the healing restoration that I get from that was missed last year.
Every year for many years, I do 2 weeks out of the year where I go for a reading week. I pile up about 20 books and just plow through them for the week, usually poolside somewhere warm where I can think and be on my own. I sleep late, eat well, and spend time in my thought palace. I didn’t get them last year, largely because of family concerns, but also because I wanted to stay true to my vision of being home and present more. In retrospect I should’ve done at least one, because that time benefits me and those around me.
I wanted to take my Mom flying to meet up with some old friends. I kept waiting on her to get a little better, to find the right time on the calendar, to make sure the weather was perfect. Thinking back on it, those are memories I will never have, the joy of seeing her reunited with friends from her younger years. The perfect is the enemy of the good and I wasted an opportunity there.
“Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.”
—Jerzy Gregorek
These are data points. The point in looking at them is to ask are they trends, do they point to something larger? What I see when I look at these things is a man who likes to be busy but isn’t paying much attention to the fruits of that busy-ness, as much as he should be. So many of my meetings this year were beneficial to other people, but not to me outside of the fun of meeting someone new. There is benefit in that but not when it chokes out other things that are more important.
There will be changes on this line this year. Free meetings with Trey to yammer about what I know may feel good to Trey, it may feel good to the other person, but if it isn’t done on purpose, for a purpose, that aligns with goals for the year, it won’t be happening. Feels will happen with this, there are some who feel entitled to my time this way as a payment-in-kind for other services, but those relationship charters will be renegotiated.
My primary concern this year will be to show up in love and delight for my kids and wife. When I take time and spend it elsewhere, it is their loss. I’ve had this nagging thought all year, that my kids really don’t get the benefit of the work that I do helping others — my mental models, my structured thinking, my particular genius — it isn’t shared with them. I’m going to change that this year so that they can take advantage of the secrets I know and share, and learn to voice their own, too.
Be well and have a great 2024!