They Change a Man
Moments we all pass through
There are days that hit a man so hard—days that don’t come with a warning label and you never see coming— that they leave you changed forever. We are told that the most important days in a man’s life are weddings, work promotions, the birth of children, and they are and they do leave you changed. But there are quieter, more personal days that are equally as seismic in nature and never discussed.
In Buddhism, there’s a term for this: shakabuku. It refers to the practice of forcefully breaking someone’s illusions or false beliefs to jolt them toward enlightenment. My friend calls it “the swift spiritual kick to the head that alters your perception of reality forever.” Think of it as a spiritual slap, a reality check so sharp it strips away all the comforting lies you’ve told yourself, and those you believed from others.
And if you’re paying attention, these are the days that forge you into something tougher, wiser— maybe a bit more cynical—and more acquainted with the truth of how short life is. The hardest days in a man’s life are shakabuku moments—brutal, humbling, and absolutely necessary. They’re the gut punches that wake you up to life’s deeper truths.
The day you realize your father isn’t invincible. This is the day when the man who has been like a god to you, the man who was made of granite, the man you’ve always compared yourself to—whether you knew it or not—begins to falter. Maybe it’s subtle—he asks you for help with something he’s always handled himself or, worse, he’s wrong about something you both know he should have nailed. It’s a seismic moment, because it’s not just about your father’s mortality—it’s also about your own. You start to see that the scaffolding propping up your life might not be as permanent as you think. The toughest part isn’t that he’s weakening, physically or mentally; it’s that you’re expected to step up—and you realize there’s no guidebook for being your own hero.
The day you bury a dream. The death of a dream. It's a funeral no one talks about, but every man holds in his heart. Every man has a path he abandoned to serve others. Maybe it’s a career that didn’t pan out, a relationship that failed, or a crazy startup idea you swore would make you the next Steve Jobs—now just another set of ‘what ifs.’ The hardest part of this isn’t the failure itself, but the realization that some things just aren't meant to happen, no matter how much grit or grind you throw at them. This isn’t a Hallmark moment about perseverance; it’s about the painful, unglamorous reality of limits, choices and the consequences of both. As kids we are taught that life is a series of unending possibilities. As men we learn that most of the time when you close a door, it stays closed forever, never to be entered again. Knowing when to call it, when to stop sinking time and energy into something that’s clearly not going to happen, is brutal. But, strangely, it's freeing too. Life isn’t about tallying up wins and losses; it’s about figuring out which game is worth playing. And when you bury a dream, you start to get better at choosing which ones are worth the fight.
The day your child looks to you for all the answers. Nothing prepares you for this. One day, you’re winging it in your own life, and the next, there’s a tiny version f you looking at you like you’ve got the wisdom of the ages. The terrifying part? They believe you do. Whether it’s the first time they ask you a question that has no easy answer—like why do birds die—or the first time you realize they’re watching every move you make, there’s a weight to fatherhood that no amount of self-help books or inspirational podcasts will prepare you for. It’s the ultimate high-wire act: no safety net, and you’ve got to pretend you know where you’re going. You’ll never be perfect, but you’ll realize that just being present and accountable is about as close to the answer as you’re going to get.
Each of these days is a turning point. They shape you, crack you open in ways you didn’t think possible, and leave you changed. Not necessarily better or worse—just more aware that life doesn’t come with instructions, and sometimes you’ve just got to make peace with that.
“If your spirituality does not demand beauty and liberation for every person and piece of the cosmos, it is not God you are seeking, but a shallow ritual of self-soothing.”
—Cole Arthur Riley
Insurance, Not Hustle, Drives Productivity
In a recent paper from the National Bureau of Economic Research, researchers posed an intriguing question: Who should work how much? Economist have one answer, the real world has another. They believe that the most productive people should work the most because more production would result. Business owners know that the least productive people have to work more just to keep up with the required production average.
The researchers were astonished to discover that high-wage and low-wage earners clock nearly the same hours. So, what’s keeping this theory from reality? When they dug deeper to answer the question they were flummoxed again by something my firm has known for decades: it’s insurance.
You see, the study shows that access to solid insurance—financial protections against the inevitable losses we will incur in modern life—is what truly determines how much people work. The less financial security a household has, the more they have to grind just to make sure they don’t fall behind if disaster strikes. But when insurance is readily available and reliable, the need to hoard hours fades. The workers don’t have to spend their lives overclocking themselves just to build a buffer. In fact, the study’s model shows that companies whose employees report have “perfect insurance” are 10% more productive than companies who overlook the importance of keeping employees financially stable.
Why? Because the system becomes more efficient when people focus on doing their jobs well, not just endlessly doing more of it.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting for those of us running businesses. Productivity isn’t just about getting people to work more; it’s about getting people to work smarter and produce better outcomes. Without more hours at an average rate of intelligence produces more, average outcomes—not what we are after, at all.
Rather, employers who get it understand that smarter work doesn’t come from pushing your team to work long hours. It comes from giving them the right tools—on the job and off. You wouldn’t ask your landscape crew to mow the lawn with hand clippers and then complain about them being slow to finish the job, of course. But you willingly give your employees wages they’ve earned but do not know how to spend to attain and retain financial stability, and then complain about how they leave for more money or better benefits provided by a competitor.
Think of it this way: without insurance, your employees are like runners in a marathon who are also carrying backpacks full of bricks, constantly worried about the what-ifs of life. But give them insurance, and you’re lightening the load. They can run faster, farther, and more effectively. By offering better insurance or financial benefits, you’re not just taking care of your team—you’re supercharging your productivity. Your employees can focus on what matters, free from the nagging anxiety that keeps them tethered to overtime or unnecessary stress. It’s a win-win: happier workers who put in the hours but deliver more value.
The takeaway here? Stop thinking of insurance as just a perk or a box to check. It’s a key part of your productivity strategy. If the researchers are right, offering solid financial security to your employees could unlock a 10% boost in productivity without the burnout. In business terms, that’s like finding a cheat code.