The Ten+1 Commandments of Parenting

A Guide for the Brave, the Bold, and the Sleep-Deprived

Two years ago my wife and I found out that she was pregnant with our third child, 10 years after the birth of our last child. We know what causes this to happen, we just didn’t think it applied to us anymore. God has a good sense of humor and he knows what we need long before we know it. Our baby has been a blessing and entering the baby parenting journey again has made me remember and double down on some of the lessons I learned the first two times around.

In that spirit—as much for me as for you—I offer up the 10 Commandments of parenting, with one to grow on.

1. Thou Shalt Lead by Example.
Look, kids are sponges—yes, those adorable little monsters are constantly soaking up everything, including the stuff you wish they wouldn’t. If you want them to be kind, show kindness. If you want them to be honest, be honest. You can preach all you like, but actions speak louder than the lectures you give them when they’ve colored on the wall and said “See pretty, Daddy!” Your behavior is the true gospel here. And when the baby says your wife’s favorite curseword, just agree that she probably overheard it from somewhere else, and not your wife.

2. Thou Shalt Listen More Than Speak.
Parents tend to pontificate, myself included (shocker, I know!) But let me let you in on a little secret: the more we listen, the more we understand. Listening isn't just about keeping them quiet; it’s about building trust and rapport and showing the deepest respect we can for another person. We shouldn’t tell them to shut up, we should often do just that instead.

3. Thou Shalt Be Consistent.
Consistency is the bedrock of any well-run household. No, that doesn’t mean we become dictators in our homes, issuing decrees from your throne or acting like that weirdly handsome Nazi-but-not-a-Nazi dad in the Sound of Music. It means if bedtime is 8 p.m. today, it shouldn't be midnight tomorrow. Children thrive on structure; it gives them a sense of security. Discipline equals freedom and before their little brains can contemplate that it might be better to do things that they don’t’ like than what they do like, we have to do it for them—with consistency.

4. Thou Shalt Be Kind.
We’re raising humans, not robots. Kindness isn’t just a nice thing; it’s a necessary thing. Empathy is the glue that keeps society from falling apart. Compassion is the active compound in Love. So, teach them to put themselves in others’ shoes, even if those shoes are two sizes too big and covered in mud. Raising an empathetic child is an investment in the future of humanity—no pressure.

5. Thou Shalt Discipline with Love.
The D-word. Discipline doesn’t mean yelling like a banshee or punishing a child until they break. Discipline means teaching, guiding, and sometimes doling out minor consequences to shield them from larger consequences down the road, and always with a firm yet loving hand. It’s about correcting the behavior, not crushing the spirit. Build character, not trauma.

6. Thou Shalt Encourage Curiosity and Learning.
The world is a classroom, and every question is an opportunity to explore. Yes, the endless “Why?” questions can make you want to fake a coma (I’ve done that, they just think it’s hilarious and ask why you are doing it, so kind of self-defeating), but we have hang in there. Curiosity is the engine of learning, and learning is the key to a life well-lived. Celebrate it. Encourage it. Stoke the fires of their imagination.

7. Thou Shalt Spend Time With Your Children.
Time is the currency of love, and your presence is the greatest present you can give. So, get down on the floor, build the Lego tower, read the Pete the Cat book for the hundredth time (and sing the chorus every time!) The chores can wait. The deadline can stretch. But these moments? They vanish man, and one day you will realize that you’ve picked your child up for the last time and you didn’t know it.

8. Thou Shalt Foster Independence and Responsibility.
We want to raise independent, responsible adults, not co-dependent roommates who can’t boil water. Start early by giving them age-appropriate tasks—folding laundry, feeding the dog, writing the next great American novel (kidding, sort of). “Show Dad how you’d do it,” is a favorite game of mine. Responsibility breeds confidence, and confidence? Well, that builds character.

9. Thou Shalt Provide Unconditional Love and Support.
Our children need to know, deep in their little bones, that love isn’t conditional in nature. It doesn’t depend on what they do, but who they are. We don’t ultimately love them based on their report card, their soccer goals, or whether they embarrassed us in the grocery store that one time (you know the one). When kids feel loved without strings, they grow roots that keep them grounded and wings that help them soar. My Mom told me once, when my son was very little: “Remember, you’re the soft place he lands when the world gets hard.”

10. Thou Shalt Admit Mistakes and Apologize.
Here’s a shocker: you’re going to mess up. A lot. But when you do, own it. Apologize. Show them that being human means making mistakes and having the grace and courage to make things right. There’s no better way to teach humility than by modeling it yourself. I’m not sure you’re a real parent until you’ve sat them down at eye-level and asked them to forgive you.

And now, for the kicker:

11. Thou Shalt Disregard Any Commandment When Its Application Would Harm the Inner Spirit of a Child.
Parenting is not about rigid adherence to rules; it’s about knowing our kids as people—their hearts, their needs, their fears. If enforcing a rule would break something precious inside them, toss that rule out the window faster than my kids throw out leftovers that are perfectly good and delicious. Your ultimate job is to protect their spirit, to keep it intact and flourishing. Remember, no commandment is worth the price of a broken heart or a diminished soul.

So there you have it. Eleven commandments for those brave enough to take on the world's hardest job. Use them wisely, flexibly, and always, always with a full heart. Because in the end, parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence, love, and a little bit of humor to get you through the day.