Hot Takes

Everyone's entitled to my opinion

27 Controversial Opinions

Pour yourself a drink and prepare to disagree vehemently with at least one of these. If not, I’ve clearly done something wrong. Here are 27 opinions that might not make me friends but will definitely make for lively conversation.

1. Wine Ratings Are a Scam.
Wine ratings are the Yelp reviews of the wine world—subjective, arbitrary, and largely useless. If you’re buying wine based on points, you deserve the overpriced grape juice you get. Trust your palate, or better yet, mine.

2. Small Businesses Should Be Run Like Small Dictatorships.
Consultants love to talk about “empowerment” and “culture.” But in the trenches of a small business, it's benevolent autocracy that wins. Democracy is great for governments, but in business, there’s only one vote that counts—mine.

3. Real Estate Agents Should Just Shut Up and Show the House.
If I want your opinion on the “vibe” of the neighborhood or the “potential” of a fixer-upper, I’ll ask. Until then, your job is to open the door, hand me a brochure, and be quiet. Realtors, take note: you’re not selling a lifestyle; you’re selling walls and a roof.

4. Restaurant Menus Need a 90% Reduction.
Nobody needs a 20-page menu, and if your restaurant has one, you’ve lost me. Stick to five dishes and do them well. Cheesecake Factory should be categorized as a public nuisance. Your menu isn't War and Peace.

5. Social Media: A Tax on Stupidity.
Social media is where people go to say things they wouldn’t have the guts to say in person. It’s like a town square for cowards. I’m convinced Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook to keep the idiots busy so the rest of us could get some work done.

6. Bankers Are Not Your Friends.
If you think your banker is looking out for your best interests, you probably still believe in Santa Claus. Their job is to sell you money at the highest rate possible. Caveat emptor, my friends.

7. Invest in People, Not Ideas.
The idea that ideas are worth anything is one of the most destructive myths of modern capitalism. Ideas are like noses—everyone has one, and most of them are terrible. People, on the other hand, can actually execute.

8. Parenting: Stop Trying to Be Friends with Your Kids.
You’re not your child’s best friend. You’re their parent. And no, your five-year-old doesn’t need to be “consulted” on what school they should attend. Authoritative parenting has gone out of fashion, and so has common sense.

9. If You’re Not Into General Aviation, You’re Missing Out.
Flying yourself is the ultimate freedom—until the FAA gets involved. The fact that more people don’t pursue a private pilot’s license is both a relief and a tragedy. Keep the skies empty for the rest of us.

10. Luxury SUVs Are the Sweatpants of the Rich.
Buying a luxury SUV is like admitting you have no personality but plenty of money to burn. It’s the equivalent of wearing sweatpants in public—comfortable, uninspired, and sending a clear message that you’ve given up on anything resembling taste or originality.

11. Sex Education Should Include the Realities of Marriage.
They teach us the mechanics in high school but skip the lecture on the diminishing returns of marital coitus. Marriage isn't all white linen sheets and rose petals. Sometimes it's Netflix, sweatpants, and a quickie before the kids wake up.

12. Philosophy Is More Important Than Politics.
Political arguments are the water polo of intellectual sports—loud and pointless. Philosophy, on the other hand, is where real thinking happens. And if you don’t have time for Socrates, you shouldn’t have time for CNN either.

13. Most Business Books Should Be a Magazine Article.
The average business book is an idea stretched way beyond its natural lifespan. You could sum up most of them in a 2,000-word magazine article, but why do that when you can milk 300 pages and sell it for $29.95? Less “10X Your Business” and more “10 Minutes of Your Time” would be refreshing.

14. The Gig Economy Is Just ‘Freelance’ with a Tragic Backstory.
Back in the day, we called it freelancing, and it was something artists did between nervous breakdowns. Now, it’s the “gig economy,” and everyone’s doing it—driving strangers around, delivering food to people too lazy to leave their houses, and calling it “entrepreneurship.” You’re not a “business owner” because you drive for Uber; you’re a cab driver without health insurance.

15. Business Jargon Is How We Keep Out the Normals.
Synergize, leverage, pivot—this is how we make simple things sound impressive and keep the peasants from understanding what we actually do all day. If you hear someone say they’re “utilizing resources to optimize cross-functional teams,” what they mean is they’re just emailing a guy to ask for help. It’s all smoke and mirrors so no one realizes we’re all making it up as we go along.

16. “Self-Care” Is Just a License to Be Selfish.
It started with bubble baths and yoga, and now “self-care” is the ultimate excuse for avoiding any responsibility. Can’t help your friend move this weekend? Sorry, self-care day. Ignoring emails for a week? Self-care. We’ve weaponized laziness and slapped a $100 spa day price tag on it. Turns out, being selfish is much easier when you rebrand it.

17. Rich People Drive Cars in Ugly Colors Because They Can Afford Not to Care.
When you see a neon green Porsche or a mustard-yellow Bentley, remember this: the rich have transcended good taste. They’ve entered the “I don’t give a damn” tax bracket. When your house is paid off, and your retirement is sorted, you can paint your car vomit green just to remind everyone else that aesthetics are for the poor.

18. The More “Authentic” Your Marketing, the More It’s Full of Crap.
Everyone’s brand is trying to be “authentic” these days, which is just code for “we know you’re too smart to fall for this, but we’re going to try anyway.” The more you tell me how real you are, the more I know you’re selling me a load of carefully crafted nonsense.

19. Networking Events Are Speed Dating for Boring People.
Networking events are where introverts go to die and extroverts go to lie. Let’s face it, you’re not here to “build connections.” You’re here to drink cheap Chardonnay and practice saying “Let’s circle back” without gagging.

20. Everyone's an Expert Until It’s Time to Actually Do Something.
You ever notice how everyone’s an “expert” on everything these days? Well, that’s until they actually have to make a decision or take action. Turns out, armchair quarterbacking is a lot easier than being on the field. Most people are experts in hindsight, not foresight.

21. College Is Just Summer Camp with a Price Tag.
For the price of a mortgage, you can send your kid to learn things they could get from Wikipedia and YouTube. College today is mostly about figuring out how to live without your parents and how to drink without dying. The actual education part is just an expensive afterthought.

22. Time Management Gurus Should Get Real Jobs.
Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t manage time become “time management experts.” It’s a grift where people who have figured out how to write a to-do list sell courses to people who need more time to do the things they never actually wanted to do in the first place.

23. Luxury Goods Are for People Who Don’t Know How to Enjoy Life.
If you need a $10,000 watch to feel good about yourself, you don’t need the watch; you need therapy. The truly rich understand that money buys freedom, not handbags. The wannabes are the ones buying labels.

24. Nobody Wants Your Life Advice Unless You’re Famous or Dead.
When was the last time you saw a book titled “How I Conquered Life” by some random guy named Bob? That’s right, never. We only want advice from people who are either insanely rich or who can’t say anything dumb anymore because they’re six feet under.

25. Veganism: Because Nothing Says ‘Rebellion’ Like a Salad.
Every generation needs its form of rebellion, and this one got stuck with kale. Veganism is like CrossFit—nobody cares unless you won’t shut up about it. Let me enjoy my steak, and I won’t force you to eat a cheeseburger. Deal?

26. AI Isn’t Going to Take Your Job; It’s Going to Take Your Soul.
Worried about AI taking your job? Worry more about it making you redundant as a human. If your idea of fulfillment is entering data, congrats—you’re in trouble. But if you want a real existential crisis, think about AI replacing the part of us that feels, dreams, and writes sassy newsletters like this one.

27. The Only Thing Worse Than MLMs Are the People Who Fall for Them.
MLMs are like a bad relationship—you’re promised love, support, and community but end up broke, bitter, and ghosted by everyone you know. But hey, maybe the real pyramid scheme was the friends we lost along the way.